Essential items to learn upon attempting to drive a car in Boston. That is, if you wish to appear as much like a Boston native driver as possible, which is to say, you do not mind behaving like a lunatic (this is useful here):

• THE HORN: Your car has a horn, use it. When in doubt, honk. When annoyed, honk. When the car a block ahead of you in a long line of cars does something stupid, honk. Any questions? Honk! or, as a last resort, see the last item.
•  THE SIDE-STREET STOP: Proceed unto the middle of the main street, then stop. Glare at the drivers on the main street who were forced to stop, dare them to even so much as blink, take your time about deciding which way you will turn, or whether you will turn at all, then proceed.
• THE SHOULDER PASS: The shoulder is your passing lane, self-explanatory, you idiot.
• PEDESTRIANS: where?
• BIKES: huh?
• POTHOLES: Dive right in.
• QUESTIONS: ask the friendly officer standing near the construction site in the road.

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